I think Ive delayed this post much longer than I should have. It reminds me of when Charles used to make fun of me for being so behind in my blogging! Here I am doing it again! But I must go back, there is just so much to say.
Before I get into all what Ive learned, concluding my experience, explaining how I feel at this very moment, reverse culture shock and all that (all of which I can only hope to find words for), I would like to go back to Wednesday, February 29th. So long ago it seems, its funny though how time can pass without altering your memories in the slightest way. This night, I was home packing all of my stuff up (last minute like always), it was the night before our departure. My host mom, my very large host mom entered our room to help me. It was the sweetest thing - Unfortunately because I didn't speak the local language I was never able to connect with her on a level deeper than "Im going to my friends house", "Im full", thank you, your welcome, that kind of stuff. It was really too bad.. I could never talk to her about her family or mine! I could never talk about feelings, opinions, life . This night though, I finally truly felt like I had accomplished becoming part of the family and not simply a guest who ate her food, washed my own dish and spoke minimal fante. I had strived to achieve this every day, something Priscilla had grasped so quickly without a language barrier holding her back. I felt like I was a daughter she was letting go of, not a guest to whom she was saying see you soon! This incredible woman no doubt had an impact on my life and at that moment I got the impression I had done the same for her. She helped me pack all of my stuff and was so overjoyed when I gave her the bracelet I made her out of embroidery thread! She then sat on her stool and took ten minutes deciding precisely which of the clothes I was giving away would go to which girl in the house! After she got up to go all the girls and my brother came flooding in and sat around my bed. Fatima, the oldest and the best at speaking english, would repeatedly say "don't go, I will cry! Jillian I will cry"; Efua, Payin, Ama and Jo would then jokingly sob as they told me I was not aloud to leave! I gave each of the girls a pair of my earrings which they loved! ( I heard my host mom pouting outside she didn't get any earrings, oh how I miss her drama! ) and to Jo, I gave my wrist watch. We stayed up until midnight, at which point Ama had fallen asleep beside me on the bed After giving my host mother a picture to remember me by (as requested by her), they left my side, and I fell into my last sleep in Otuam, my last night at my temporary but ever loving home.
The next morning we headed out, this is when I could not hold in the tears no matter how I tried. My host brother hoisted my suitcase up onto his head for the last time. All the girls were wearing the clothes I had given them (although the ones they had in my opinion were much nicer), they loved showing them off. Once I saw Zoe crying, ya, thats when it hit me. It hit me that, even if I do go back to Otuam one day, It won't ever be the same. Never again will I call it my home. Never again will I walk to work or teach the children of John Mensah Academy. Jo won't brush my hair at night , my host mom won't fuss about my clothes (making sure my mid drift is covered!), I won't be recognized as part of the community. I won't be there with the group. Never again will I go back to the home and the life I knew there for 3 incredibly important and life changing months of my life. Oh ya, I cried. After saying goodbye to the girls of my home at the trotro, Jo, my host brother Jo, Sea man, I sat down beside Kayla. We enjoyed our last pineapple ( OH MAN THE PINEAPPLE) as we pulled out and headed on our way. It was truly sad to leave Otuam, just as leaving Moncton, or even as it was on september 5th 2011, I was leaving my home and I was leaving my family. These, my friends, were the first goodbyes of so many to come. I guess thats life isn't it? Even good things can't last forever can they?
After leaving Otuam, we still had 2 days left in Ghana to spend with the group and debrief before going to Montreal and then going home again. Debrief is something that we experienced many times in the program, often during the big transitions (phase one to phase two, phase two to home) but also after a large discussion, disagreement, or experience. Its basically talking with the group and participating in different sessions run to help us understand situations; to go over what we had learned, what we had accomplished; to prepare us for culture shock, or in terms of coming home, reverse culture shock; to prepare us for leaving the group and those we had come to love throughout our 6 months experience.. You get the idea? Its all about milking every. single. experience for all its worth. Its about truly understanding and taking as much from it as we possibly can. So this particular debriefing in Accra, Ghana's capitol (paired with debriefing in the last few days in Otuam) was about reviewing with the Ghanaians what we had accomplished as a group, saying goodbye to our counterparts, reviewing our whole Canada World Youth experience actually! What did we accomplish? Those of you reading this might ask....
**STAY TUNED blog post to follow. Plan on it going along the lines of what I learned, what we accomplished, how its affecting me now.. this one would be ten pages long if i added that in...**
Yes whats next, OU the sights and sounds and incredible liveliness of the city (change of pace)
Absolutely incredible. Ghana is a beautiful country so full of life and fun! No such thing as noise pollution, its all free air! free for anyone who would like to take it. Music constantly blaring over loud speakers, four in the morning, you could ask Teressa about that one!! (loud speaker located directly outside her home). What else.. Ghana pride! Have never seen so much pride and love for one's own country, it was so wonderful to see! No shame in dancing, men, women and children alike. Everyone (I swear with the exception of Priscilla) dances, and well! Corbin would always catch a kid walking by, all he had to say was "wash and wear" (his fav dance move) and the kid would stop right in his tracks to dance! They, as in anyone from Ghana, always got a kick out of us Canadians. With our fist pumping and large flailing movements, we made quite a spectical of ourselves. Especially when we were among our Ghanaians like Eddie, Ben, Mary... all of them, who moved so little, but looked so good! We went to the market for the last time too! Who wants to keep currency when their "cede" is about 60 cents to our dollar? No way, spend it all was the motto that day! I bought so many beautiful clothes, bracelets, beads, creme, sugar cane, tiger nuts, head scarves, shea butter! and all else, things that were so incredibly beautiful and remind me so much now of Ghana and my Ghanaian friends.
Change of pace again, keeping up? Half way there... Maybe. I always have so much to say can you tell?
It was almost as if those last two days in Ghana were a fantasy. Its almost as if I didn't even know the next goodbyes I had to make were right around the corner. Yup, one by one the Ghanaians started to leave to go to their own homes. Now this, how do I explain this... For 6 months we worked, lived and learned together. We overcame incredible feats, we discovered ourselves, we traveled away from home, we laughed!!! We shared, with all this we became a family. Like I said, goodbyes, its life. But knowing that, and knowing goodbyes were bound to happen in the end, didn't help much. Saying goodbye to the Ghanaians was like saying goodbye to my brothers and sisters. Saying goodbye to my counterpart, just thinking of it makes me tear up. We definitely had our challenges in the beginning, but Priscilla and I found more than common ground in the end. We found friendship, and we found support. After she pulled away, Zoe and Kayla were there to hold me, we were there to hold each other! We all had to say goodbye to our other half that day, and we all felt the sadness. Charles truly helped me too. Although it didn't make it any less sad, having his arms around me and his words to comfort me, it made me feel so much better.
These names I keep mentioning, for those who read my blog but maybe havnt had a chance to listen to my stories. Jacob, Kayla, Mary, Priscilla, Zoe, Cobin, Edem, Eric, Christine, Charles, Ben, Quin, Lokita, Jess, Eddie, Miles, Teressa, Vincent. They are the names of our group members, my family members! They are the names of people who have made an impact on my life and who I am post CWY, and they are the people that I will never forget, no matter how far we may drift apart.
My next goodbye to come was to my dear project supervisor Jess. Unfortunately it was rushed, or maybe fortunately? It didn't give me time to cry, though it was no less sad. Jess was such a huge part of my experience and I would not have learned nearly as much with anyone else but her helping us. Although I still havnt formed any solid opinions on my own, I know that many of my ideas and subjects Im now passionate about were inspired by her! Jess and her endless statistics and knowledge. Im going to miss learning and appreciating something new everyday from her, and I will miss her dearly.
After leaving Ghana, we stayed in a hotel for three days (the 9 Canadians) in order to complete some debriefing and spend last moments together before it was truly the end and finished. The goodbyes followed pretty quickly it seemed after that. It was so sad, I remember waking up that morning and just thinking today is the end. Oh I cried, yes. People say Im emotional... which is true HOWEVER just because I cry easily, does not mean I cry over nothing. Things affect me so deep and my tears are simply a reflection of that. Kayla, Miles, Charles, Teressa, Zoe, Jacob, Quin and Corbin; My support system, my best friends. I can't even think of words to describe how goodbyes were to these incredible people. Each of us were so different. Spending six months with people, its pretty much impossible to pretend and be someone your not. Every little quirk, every little characteristic that makes that person an individual, yup! We knew them all ! Getting to know each soul, creating a bond and being there for each other for such a long time... then saying goodbye, I think this is one of those things I can't explain... writing words down would simply could not do justice to how I feel or what must be said.
I wrote this post for a specific reason. I pulled out my journal from my trip the other night while I was unpacking my things (yes I've been home a month, and yes I only unpacked two days ago). My mom walked in to me in tears. She understood. She's travelled, she's met friends that she's had to leave and like anyone, she's experienced goodbye! Even though she might never understand exactly what I miss, she can relate to the feeling. The feeling of loneliness and heartache, sadness and confusion? I think those are good words to describe how I feel sometimes... Ive said for a while, I want to get to a point where I could look back on this trip and not be sad its over, but rather, Happy it happened. Exactly what my mom told me to do as well, to stop dwelling. Stop dwelling on the fact that its over Jillian. Go forward from this incredible experience, look at what you've learned, what you've done and be thankful and happy it happened for you. Im ready to move forward now.
REMEMBER stay tuned for my next blog, it will be coming ever so soon!
Sorry if this one got a little deep and emotional, I was feeling the need to let some of that out! What can I say? Im an emotional reck... in the process of repair.
Pumpkind Juice and Love my loves, Pumpkin juice and love <3
Jillian xo
*pictures to follow.. when Im less tired
